so this happened last night
oooooooo
roommate: i got mad cellulite
roommates friend: you COULD be a model, you just gotta fix your face
Thing's I've Overheard My Roommate Say
I go to college and room with a loud roommate. She says some pretty wild shit sometimes and I figured I have to put it somewhere and this is where. Enjoy.
A Debate
<watching a stalker movie>
roommate: if he were hot it’d be different
me: no it wouldn’t, like they’re always hot that’s why no one ever suspects them
roommate: yeah that’s true but i mean like i’d rather have a hot guy follow me around than a weird lookin dude
me: but then you wouldn’t suspect anything like, if they were weird you’d suspect but if they were hot you wouldn’t
roommate: ok but wouldn’t you rather have like a hot girl follow you around instead of a weird one
me: no i wouldn’t want either like wtf
roommate: if you had some weird girl with braces like breathin mad loud-
me: *laughs*
roommate: whatever i just want to see this girl get killed
Imma take you to a gay bar
Roommate: Yo we go in there, you look out for the older butcher ones. Seriously, they go up to you they be like “Yo Ma, Yo Ma with the cake” and imma be like “meee????”
Drake sux
<girl in my room is playing really good tunes like lykke li, santogold, death cab, the yeah yeah yeahs>
me: i like your music taste!
her: thanks
<roommate walks in while santogold is playing>
roommate: OH I LOVE THIS SONG, IT PLAYS IN FOREVER 21 ALL THE TIME
me: -_-
<song changes to Cee Lo Green>
roommate: yo enough of this spanish shittt
her: this is Cee Lo!
me: -_-
roommate: put Drake on
I didn’t go to my prom, i couldn’t pay for my prom. My prom, I was with ***** and I made him cheat on his girlfriend. With me. So, yeah I stayed at his house that night. So, it was a good prom. Yeah, it was a good prom.
roommate
Inappropriate phone conversation
<roommate to her boyfriend>
roommate: yo, get deep with me, tell me who broke your heart
roommate: please you never get deep with me
roommate: just get deep cmon
roommate: you got deep the other night, why not now????
<she starts hysterical laughing>
roommate: you didn’t get that did you…
me: 
Sandwiches
Me and my mom were sitting in the hub having a nice dinner. My roommates loud loud loud friend was sitting near us.
Me: yeah so i signed up for finance, poetry, a religion class and-
loud friend: yeah he pissed on her clit!!
Mom: 
Me: 
You alright?!?
rm friend: bla bla bla bla
<loud crash>
rm friend: BRI ! <jumps out of bed>
me: i think she was just throwing the trash away
rm friend: <runs out> BRI BRI BRI
roommate: yo sit downnnnn hoe
rm friend: I THOUGHT YOU FELL
roommate: i didn’t fall lay the fuck down
Masochist
roommate: you say one more word and i’m gonna smack you with a belt, i’m gonna get a belt from my closet unless you lay down
friend: ahah NATALIE YOU SMACK YOUR GIRLFRIEND WITH A BELT
me: oh noooo no
friend: you shoulddddd
me: i’m good tho
friend: <yelling to carolyn through the phone> YO SMACK YO GIRL WITH A BELT
roommate: yo leave my roommate aloneee she’s busy she’s on tumblr
