so this happened last night


oooooooo

roommate: i got mad cellulite 

roommates friend: you COULD be a model, you just gotta fix your face


A Debate

<watching a stalker movie>

roommate: if he were hot it’d be different

me: no it wouldn’t, like they’re always hot that’s why no one ever suspects them

roommate: yeah that’s true but i mean like i’d rather have a hot guy follow me around than a weird lookin dude

me: but then you wouldn’t suspect anything like, if they were weird you’d suspect but if they were hot you wouldn’t

roommate: ok but wouldn’t you rather have like a hot girl follow you around instead of a weird one

me: no i wouldn’t want either like wtf

roommate: if you had some weird girl with braces like breathin mad loud-

me: *laughs*

roommate: whatever i just want to see this girl get killed


Imma take you to a gay bar

Roommate: Yo we go in there, you look out for the older butcher ones.  Seriously, they go up to you they be like “Yo Ma, Yo Ma with the cake” and imma be like “meee????”


Drake sux

<girl in my room is playing really good tunes like lykke li, santogold, death cab, the yeah yeah yeahs>

me: i like your music taste!

her: thanks

<roommate walks in while santogold is playing>

roommate: OH I LOVE THIS SONG, IT PLAYS IN FOREVER 21 ALL THE TIME

me: -_-

<song changes to Cee Lo Green>

roommate: yo enough of this spanish shittt

her: this is Cee Lo!

me: -_-

roommate: put Drake on


I didn’t go to my prom, i couldn’t pay for my prom. My prom, I was with ***** and I made him cheat on his girlfriend. With me. So, yeah I stayed at his house that night. So, it was a good prom. Yeah, it was a good prom.
roommate

Inappropriate phone conversation

<roommate to her boyfriend>

roommate: yo, get deep with me, tell me who broke your heart

roommate: please you never get deep with me

roommate: just get deep cmon

roommate: you got deep the other night, why not now????

<she starts hysterical laughing>

roommate: you didn’t get that did you…

me: 


Sandwiches

Me and my mom were sitting in the hub having a nice dinner.  My roommates loud loud loud friend was sitting near us.

Me: yeah so i signed up for finance, poetry, a religion class and-

loud friend: yeah he pissed on her clit!!

Mom: 

Me:  


You alright?!?

rm friend: bla bla bla bla 

<loud crash>

rm friend: BRI ! <jumps out of bed>

me: i think she was just throwing the trash away

rm friend: <runs out> BRI BRI BRI 

roommate: yo sit downnnnn hoe 

rm friend: I THOUGHT YOU FELL

roommate: i didn’t fall lay the fuck down


Masochist

roommate:  you say one more word and i’m gonna smack you with a belt, i’m gonna get a belt from my closet unless you lay down

friend: ahah NATALIE YOU SMACK YOUR GIRLFRIEND WITH A BELT

me: oh noooo no

friend: you shoulddddd

me: i’m good tho

friend: <yelling to carolyn through the phone> YO SMACK YO GIRL WITH A BELT

roommate: yo leave my roommate aloneee she’s busy she’s on tumblr